Not in SC Anymore

If you haven't noticed, I'm definitely not in South Carolina anymore. Though I know it is difficult to live in any new culture, I've decided that it is especially difficult to be a southerner in China. In so many ways our cultures (the Chinese and Southern culture which is way different than simply the American Culture) are so different yet so similar that it leaves a true southerner dazed and confused and exhausted from trying to cope.  

The differences I'm talking about are not even the super obvious differences such as serious lack of sweet tea, football, and southern cooking. It’s not the absence of these things or the language barrier that makes our cultures different, but the way we go through life and say things. The absence of Southern pleasantries and the less rigorous, or pushy way of Southern life are the big things I miss. (Well, I would also kill for some sweet tea in a cup full of ice, but that’s beside the point.) 

For example, in my last post I wrote about the Chinese constantly honking their horns. Well in the south, we only use our horns in extreme circumstances and its use generally carries a harsh connotation, and is associated with violent hand gestures and profanity or is a indication of immediate and life threatening danger. But here it's not that way at all. They honk their horn just to let you know they are there. Yesterday I was honked at by a car passing by while I was walking on the sidewalk. I know he was honking at me, no one else was around.

Another thing that I've found difficult as a southerner is saying no. If you've ever been to china and had to walk down a street of any significant size, you know that you have to say no a lot. No I do not want rolex. No I do not want Prada bag. No I do not want movie or iPhone or nice ja-ket. It quickly becomes one of the most naturally flowing phrases out of your mouth because you say everyday more times than you can count. (I just want to briefly point how ironic it is that these chinese can correctly enunciate Prada, Gucci, and iPhone but not real life necessities such as toilet paper, fork, or iron. The former list is a necessity for their survival because if they don’t sell it to you then they don’t make a living, but the second list is considered to be nothing more than foreign comforts. But again, beside the point.) It really no longer bothers me to say buyao to the 17th street salesman that I've passed but it does to people I know, such as Chinese friends, professors or even waiters or taxi drivers who are simply trying to be nice and helpful. And it's not the fact that I have to tell people no that bothers me, but it's how you say it that I don't like. 不要 (bu yao) literally meaning don't want or don't need. It sounds so harsh to me. There is no polite southern response of, "No thank you, I'm fine," or, “This is good,” but simply, "No want!" Though these more polite phrases may actually exist in the Chinese language, they are irrelevant, because no one uses them, at least no one I’ve met yet.

It really gets me in situations like this: the other night a lot of us from my program went out on the town. Someone invited one of their Chinese classmates to join us. She was very nice and she and I quickly hit it off (about 5 minutes after meeting her she decided she was going to call me meimei (妹妹, little sister) for the rest of the night). At one point in the night she offered me a piece of Chinese candy but I had just eaten and I really didn't want it. I mentally and verbally stumbled as I tried to make the Chinese equivalent of no thank you  come out of my mouth. She looked at me quite puzzled and tried to help me by saying "bu yao ma?" meaning "you don't want it?" I so terribly didn't want to sound rude by saying bu yao or attempt to say something grossly incorrect that I simply took the candy, politely thanked her and told her it was delicious. At least by the end of the trip we know that I will be the polite awkward American meimei to at least one Chinese girl. 

The audible harshness of their society and culture is just so foreign to me (quite literally). Please do not misunderstand, these are not a harsh people. The true Chinese who I’ve been able to converse with in the school where I work on in the taxi or on the subway are truly kind and hospitable people. This is very much where our cultures align. Now I realize Southern hospitality is a bit of a stereotype, but when you’ve been in cultures that are could definitely not be seen as hospitable, you start to understand. I, for example, love Italy but do not see the people their as hospitable. It probably has something to do with the fact that I felt like I was constantly being yelled at in Italian, and I could have misunderstood or just had multiple bad experiences, but I never felt like I could find someone who would go out of their way to help me. In China and at home, you don’t have to look too far. 

Just the other day, I was a in a shop looking for something in particular and I had no clue how to say or describe it in Chinese. The man who was trying to help told me to wait and went around the entire floor of the building looking for someone who could speak good English. As it turns out, they didn’t have what I was looking for. I felt bad but they didn’t seem to mind. They told me where to find it, gave me directions, and even walked me part of the way there. Now that’s service!! In one of the local convenience stores outside of my apartment complex, one of the guys who worked there walked around the entire store with me helping me find everything I could possibly need. It wasn’t in a let me sell you something kind of way, but in a you are an American who probably can’t read the labels as well as me let me you out kind of way. The teachers at the school where I work are constantly asking me if there is anything I need or really miss from home that they can help with. They just want to help and for people to be comfortable. A lot like home. 

So though there are somethings here I may never understand and don’t really like, there are enough comforts of home to make it more than just livable but actually kind of home like.